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Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum . . . that’s all you need to enjoy Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, some ho’s and a bottle of rum.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, is not easily explained. Its story is confusing and hard to follow, but the best we can come up with is this. Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and her finance Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) are arrested on their wedding day and sentenced to death because they helped Jack Sparrow (Johnny Deep). To save them from death, Will is told if he brings back Jack’s compass, all the charges will be dropped. In the meantime, Jack thinks he wants to find the key to the Dead Man’s Chest so he can then find the chest, open the chest and steal its contents. The chest contains the beating heart of Davy Jones. At the same time, Davy Jones (who is now some creepy octopus looking guy that is doomed to live an eternity at sea) is looking for Jack Sparrow to repay his debt (he owes him his sole). Elizabeth decides to take matters into her own hands, escapes from prison and searches for her finance. Well, they all end up in the same place at the same time. There is some confusion about who Elizabeth really loves, it’s not clear why the compass is really wanted and nobody gets it from Jack anyway, Davy’s heart is taken by some other guy and a beast known at the Cracken inexplicably terrorizes the characters. There is no resolution to anything in this movie. Movie goers are left wondering what happened, if any of it had meaning and wishing they could get back the last 2 and a half hours of their lives.
Pirates of the Caribbean . . . Disney’s biggest ride which became Disney’s biggest movie now becomes perhaps Disney’s biggest disappointment. In spite of its classic characters and colossal budget, this dark and disturbing episode in Hollywood’s longstanding “adventures of cashing in on a hit” series is disastrous. Among its many flaws, the movie’s true demise is its story, which goes on so long that you begin to believe that Davy Jones himself has condemned you to an eternity of boredom and bewilderment. True, Johnny Depp is still a masterful actor, but we’ve seen him play this role before – better, in fact – and, tragically, the magic of co-star Keira Knightley has been apparently pillaged. While there are maybe three or four funny Captain Jack moments, the awe-inspiring scenery is the only true highlight in this otherwise aw-FUL experience. We loved the first Pirates, but Dead Man’s Chest sucks so bad that it will take the wind out of your sails.
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On the Movie Night Traffic Light on a scale of GREEN meaning “Go – it’s a must see”, YELLOW meaning “Caution – it’s okay” and RED meaning “No - stop don’t do it."
We rate Pirate of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest RED. Stop – sadly, this one is not worth it. |
